Husband with depression

From Season 1, Episode 4 of Just Ask Kathleen

"I think my husband is suffering with depression. I don't know how to bring it out with him or how to help. He's withdrawing from social situations and doesn't seem to get much pleasure from the things he used to do. I keep trying to talk to him, but I'm worried that if I bring it up, he won't listen or be offended by the suggestion.”

Kathleen:         Okay. Well, well done to her for noticing that he's getting depressed and withdrawing from his normal life, which is not good for her to witness, of course. So clearly, she doesn't feel confident in speaking to him. That's fair enough. I wonder if there's a close friend, or a family member who he would be more able to open up to and listen to. That's sometimes, that's the way we end with partners that they don't want their wife or husband to be nagging them, and they are very resistant to that person because they're the closest person to them to point out any kind of concerns they have about their mental health. So, if it's really impossible to imagine herself, say, "Look, I'm concerned about your mental health. You seem really low, you're not getting any pleasure from what you used to enjoy, you're withdrawing from social events."

                        If she can't do that herself, I would speak to somebody that he's very close to. Sometimes it's even like the grown up son or daughter. I wouldn't burden a child with that, but if they have children and that child is in their 20s or older, and them approaching their dad and saying, "Dad, I'm a bit concerned about you, you're behaving a bit strangely and it's not like you to be so withdrawn. Would you like to speak to your doctor about this? Or would you like to talk to somebody else about it?" Bringing in somebody else, because sometimes for the partner of someone who's depressed, it can be incredibly isolating and feel like quite a burden of responsibility to get it right, to find a way to take this person they love and are worried about, to get help. When someone feels like, "There's no point, he's not going to hear me, he's not going to let me have this conversation with him," then they're completely disarmed and can't get out of that position. I would call in other resources, other people around him that he trusts and will allow to support him.