“I think I'm addicted to my phone. I can't stop checking it for messages, notifications and emails. I can possibly check it even whilst I'm doing other things. The only solution I've found is to keep my phone in another room, but that's not practical if my kids want to get a hold of me. I'd love to try something to train myself out of this compulsive behaviour.”
Right. That's a good one. Well, when you've got children, it's difficult not to have it somewhere at hand. But you can, most phones have settings on it that, if a particular number calls, then you'll hear it ringing, but you can have it muted to all other calls. So I definitely, I do that through the night. I have my phone switched off, silenced rather. But only if my children rang will it come through. I would say, definitely do that setting. Mark McGuinness, a good friend of mine, he has a podcast. And on that, I can't remember what episode it was, I'm sorry. 21st century creative podcast. He talks about this that, he's very strict about that. In the morning he doesn't look at his phone, he does writing, and he dedicates that time to his writing of poetry and other writing projects that he's doing.
So I think sometimes if we can set aside time where we absolutely know we don't have our phone on us, or even in the room. I think with children, I have to go back to the actual person who's asking the question. Yes, have the phone on, but silenced. And only set to have calls coming through from your children. That's not a problem. But you just don't look at it, put it in a drawer, put it somewhere else. Do something else. There's no point in thinking, I'll not look at my phone and emails and I'll just sit looking at the wall. You'll have to be thinking about doing something else, being productive in another way. You might have it in a zipped pocket on your coat, and go out for a cycle, or a walk, or something. So that you're actually engaged in doing something else rather than just going, I am not going to look at my phone, I'm not going to look at my phone. Because that's never going to work. It's just going to become a bigger monster in your head. So set aside time where you're just not using the phone. Because actually when you do it for five minutes, you can then build to 20 minutes, then half an hour, then an hour. Then suddenly a couple of hours have gone by and you're like, wow, that felt good not to look at my phone. But it's like any kind of habit. We have to... Some people can do cold turkey, but we tend to do it more effectively if we wean ourselves off. So from 10:00 till half past 10:00, put on something on the radio that you're interested in listening to for that half hour, and just have the phone somewhere else. Or be engaged in a physical activity like go for a swim- you can't have your phone in there for half an hour. So you're starting to just bring in other opportunities for more diversity and less strain on your neck, and eyes, and hand, of just looking down at a phone all the time.
Emily: Oh yeah. It made me think of what I do to help myself because I find that if I'm not thinking, actively thinking about not using it, then I can do this as well. Especially when I'm working, and I kind of get a bit distracted and think, Oh, have a break from that and look at my phone. But what I've tried to do sometimes that seems to work is, if I'm working, and I get a compulsion to look at my phone, or if there's an excuse to look at my phone for example, if I think, Oh I need to text that person, I need to email that person, then I make a list of things I'm going to do when I use my phone.
Kathleen: Oh that's good.
Emily: Yeah. Kind of put those thoughts down, not completely forgetting them because I kind of get worried that I'm going to forget the list that's in my head. So if I think of things then I can say, Oh, when I'm in that time where I'm going to look at my phone, I can do those things. And it kind of allows me to stop worrying about those items. And I was wondering if you had any experience just kind of using mindfulness.
Kathleen: Yeah. I think we do need to really pay attention to how much time we spend staring at this device. Because, I mean I know everybody doesn't live in beautiful rural surroundings. I am well aware of that, and the audience is varied and stuff. But there is still beauty wherever you live, or things that are fascinating to look at. And we can all look up and look at the sky. No matter where we live we can still see the sky, and the clouds, and the sunshine. We need to find ways to be mindful of what is actually happening around us, not on our device so that our mindfulness stops. I don't actually use mindfulness apps. I have a timer that I use on my phone for when I meditate, an insight timer. But I don't actually use mindfulness apps. Although there are plenty around that people do tell me about, that they enjoy using.
I slightly feel it's counterproductive, but I think for people in cities and stuff on the commute fair play, that's fine. Use these ones because I think that's a good way to stay connected to their own body and not be distracted by, maybe the process of getting on the underground and traveling somewhere in a busy, busy day it's not the most pleasant experience. But for me, it's about acknowledging that, phones are useful, we need them as an essential part of our life now. But we are also human beings who need not to be using these devices in order to be well.
I would also recommend, although they're useful for taking photographs, that when you go for a walk, to just not use it. Try and walk and don't have your phone, don't use your device. If you've got a little camera, take a camera with you. If you're going to use your phone for taking photographs, have everything else switched off. Try not to be distracted all the time by it. Just switching off, muting it, having it only set for your loved ones, but being mindful when you're doing something that's not involving a phone. Put it away, take it aside, keep it real.
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