From Season 1, Episode 5 of Just Ask Kathleen
How do I tell when I’m ready to see a therapist?
She's ready to see a therapist!
As soon as you think
"Oh, I wonder if I should see a therapist," see a therapist.
What if... Actually it's a twist
on that. What if someone is adamant that they don't need to? How do you talk to
someone who's like that?
If somebody as an individual thinks,
"I wonder if I should see a therapist," then definitely they need to
see a therapist. If that person is not needing therapy, or has had therapy and
thought it was beneficial and sees a family member or a loved one who clearly
needs therapy, but is saying "I do not need therapy. I do not need
therapy." Then you have to approach that very, very carefully. You have to
really be sensitive to the fact that if they're digging their heels in and
saying, "I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it." It's probably
because they've got so much in their head that they feel they need to deal
with, it just feels overwhelming.
So if you have somebody
who knows somebody else needs therapy, which again is a funny one, isn't it,
because we don't ever really know that. We can sort of tell, "Crikey, that
person's got a lot on their plate, and they don't look like they're coping.
They need support." But we can't go telling people that they need therapy. But, if you feel you want to support somebody
in that way, then it would just be a case of, again... In a calm tone, not when
it's at crisis point, but in a very relaxed way saying, "You know, I had
this experience when I went to see a therapist, and there were just two or three
things I needed to discuss and clear up. And it took a while, but I got there in
the end, and I just feel so much lighter, (or healthier, or whatever) as a
result. Would you ever consider that?"
So just plant the seed
first of all. Don't go diving in saying "If anyone needs therapy, you
do!". Because it's a very sensitive topic. I think just being really
supportive and encouraging, and share your own experience, or an experience of
a colleague or friend. It's just about opening
up dialogue and letting them see that you're not a freak if you have to go for
therapy.
It's sometimes almost used as an insult or a slight. People say,
"Oh you know, you need therapy," or "That person needs
therapy." Like it's a bad thing. Maybe a bit more conversation is needed, about what
therapy actually is and what it does., and who it's for. You know, some
people would say it's for everyone.
Absolutely. I agree with that. And I
think culturally we are really behind a lot of other nations and cultures with
regards to this. You know, the United States and Canada actually, they're far
more open to the idea of seeing a therapist, talking through your problems,
moving things on. We're still very much the British with a stiff upper lip. You know,
just keep it quiet. Head down. Work hard. Get on with it. Stop moaning. Don't
look at me with that grumpy face. Just crack on with it. You know? That's a
very stoic, 'British' way of getting through life. I mean, imagine that.
Even that expression, you've just got to get through it, get through it. It's
like there's no enjoyment there. There's no opportunity for growth.
Culturally we're not the
best. But I was telling somebody not so long ago that at one point in my weekly calendar, my male clients out-numbered my
female ones. So, I had more males than females in one particular week. That had
never happened in 15 years of therapy. Men had just one or two here and there,
spattered throughout the month.
I had one or two men in
my diary over the month, but this was a week where I think there were four men
and three women. And I thought, "Wow, there's a change happening in the
land of therapy." So it is great to see that talking therapy is now, across
the board, much more accepted between men and women. That's a really good thing.
But culturally, still we're not quite there yet.
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